Katie Kubitz
a place for life and letters

JOURNAL

a penpal's point of view

On changing my mind

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Dear Friend,

Have you ever changed your mind?

I can only imagine you have because I think most people do. I change my mind constantly. I change my mind about what my favorite food is, what job is best for me, which purse is my favorite, what car I want, about so many things. All pretty frivolous but still changes.

To significantly overanalyze the constant changes, I'd say my style and personal tastes are evolving. I'd say that I'm taking in bits and pieces of my environment, sifting through the various parts, deciding what is "me" and what isn't, and moving on from there. This process of evolving/changing my mind is pretty much always happening, just like constantly working to find balance. Most of it is very subtle, but still it's there.

Then there are the big changes, the ones that everyone will notice. The kind of changes that people will be interested in and potentially question. These changes freak me out mostly because I'm scared of being wrong. Plus, a lot of times there isn't exactly a right or wrong answer, making things all the more difficult.

To give you more context, today marks a huge change in my life. This afternoon I will sign a lease for a beautiful apartment with my leading man.

I have always, always been on the waiting side of the "when to move in with your respective person" argument. I argued that too many couples move in together because rent will be cheaper or because it will be easier to see each other or because they don't really know what else to do. I have never wanted to be a financial decision or a convenience or something that just happened and so I've always argued against moving in before marriage.

I also had never been faced with the prospect of living with someone. I've been in relationships before, but nothing ever got to a point where moving in could have been brought up. So of course it was easy to argue against because it never sounded appealing.

So... that's changed.

Without making this a ridiculous love letter, I'll put it simply by saying that my leading man is blowing everyone out of the water. This is the first time that I'm on the same page as the man that I'm dating. He understands what "dating" means to me and it means the same thing to him. I'm absolutely not easing his finances (oops), I have never felt like more of a priority/couldn't be further from a convenience, and we both know what the end point of this equation is. So there go all of my previous arguments.

What do you do when your arguments are gone? What happens when all of the things you thought would be issues, aren't?

In my case, you talk it out. Big time. You do not let things lie, and you beat that poor, dead horse. And then you evolve. I consider this growing. I took in the bits and pieces of my environment, realized this was a "me" choice, and I took a risk by substantially changing my mind. Maybe I haven't grown yet, but I'm ready to learn. And while I'm sure I'll learn a crazy amount about my leading man and about myself as the individuals we are, I'm most excited to learn about who we are together in this new setting.

So, Friend, I'll send you off with some of our home inspirations... our "together" style. I can't wait!

Did you move in before you were married? Did you wait until after your big day to make that big move? Any particularly noteworthy learning curves that came with your big move?

xx Katie

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